THE CONFESSION:
“We need help with our relationship but my co-founder won’t admit it.
We’re bickering, it takes ages to make decisions and we’re not aligned on the next steps for the business. It’s very draining and is impacting our performance.
I’ve suggested coaching / mentoring or bringing in an advisor but they dismiss it saying it’s not a priority.
How do I get them to realise we need help?”
I see this come up frequently and ironically, the conversation about getting help to resolve tension… often causes more tension. So it’s important to accept that this is normal, and stay grounded in the core reason of why this matters - you need a strong partnership to secure the future of your business.
I wonder if the idea of getting ‘help’ is adding to the problem? ‘Help’ could create a negative response as it implies something is wrong, isn’t working etc, which they might take personally. Could this be re-framed into, ‘I think there would be a huge benefit to the business if we tightened up our partnership and structure to make sure we hit X goal’ (your own version of that statement).
Be sure to focus on the positives rather than negatives. It’s not that something is wrong, it’s that things could be so much more productive, creative, efficient, collaborative etc. Focus on the opportunity and potential, because that’s far harder for your Co-Founder to dismiss than a conversation that focuses on problems.
If it feels dismissive, don’t reciprocate that energy. Return to your main goal - to build a strong partnership to secure the future of your business. How do you bring that goal to life in your daily actions and interactions? Certainly not by bickering. Stay calm, listen, speak clearly.
You have a responsibility here. You need to accept their reaction without judgement, as that’s what’s true for them in that moment. But it’s your responsibility to keep focussed on the potential of the great partnership you build, and not engage in negativity or tension.
Are you clear on the areas you want help (not that we’re necessarily using that word now…) with? The more specific you are on where you see the opportunities to be a better team, the clearer your Co-Founder can picture the impact.
You absolutely can solve this and emerge as stronger partners. See this as a lesson in patience, understanding and communication, and focus on the positive outcome you’re working towards to help you navigate any present frustrations. You’ve got this.
A QUESTION FOR YOU ALL TO ASK YOUR CO-FOUNDERS:
ARE WE WORKING AS A TIGHT TEAM?
Co-Founder Spotlight
Alice and Jack, Co-Founders of:
KOKOON
The talent accelerator for early careers.
Our mission is to empower all young professionals take ownership of their career through essential skills training, mentoring, and a supportive community.
What’s the best thing about your Co-Founder partnership?
JACK
Definitely Alice's enthusiasm and optimism. At times, I am too much of a "realist" (i.e. a pessimist) and sometimes let setbacks knock my confidence. However, a quick call with Alice and I am re-energised and ready to take on the world! On the flip side, there have been situations where maybe that pessimistic streak helped us relook at an aspect of the product, or how we approached something and took a different path. We complement each other well and have found a really good balance.
ALICE
Having someone who truly knows you and can balance you. Jack and I have been friends for years and met at work so we knew our working styles before founding Kokoon together. What’s been great about our partnership is how complementary we are; Jack has the unique ability to get me to focus on what’s important and is always open minded to any new idea I might throw his way.
What’s challenging about it?
JACK
Given that we are trying to build Kokoon while we both have full time jobs has been a challenge. It can mean we have different schedules and don't get to work side by side as much as we'd like to. We've built up a good routine of diligently blocking time for a weekly catch up, as well as lots of offline chats. Thank God for WhatsApp voice notes.
ALICE
Building Kokoon remotely has definitely made things trickier for us, sometimes I wish we could be working in the same room to solve things quicker. Sometimes that results in me waiting too long to surface something, or not wanting to “bother” Jack with a small problem. We’ve worked on this a lot though by talking every day and having regular catch ups.
How important is your partnership to your success?
JACK
The more time we spend building Kokoon, the more respect and awe I have for solo founders. Of course there is the shared workload benefit when having a co-founder but there's also the fact that you can bounce ideas off one another, provide emotional support, motivate each other etc. the list of benefits are endless.
ALICE
It’s absolutely key. I’ve founded another company by myself and it’s honestly not the same experience at all. With a co-founder you get a partner, someone to call when you’re stressed, someone to bounce off ideas with, someone to discuss big plans. I don’t think all co-founder relationships are the same but when you find someone you trust and don’t take it for granted it can truly supercharge your business.
This edition was published on the 2nd February 2024
