This conversation often comes up with clients and I always find it so valuable. 

People are often looking for some sort of decision tree, IE if my partner says or does X, it means Y, so I’ll then do Z. We’re human, we FEEL things, and feelings are subjective and unpredictable. It therefore goes against our very nature to put a structure around this.

We know people and relationships don’t follow rules, that’s what makes them magical. So in my experience, there are no EXTERNAL cues to signal that bickering needs to be addressed, it’s about identifying the INTERNAL cues.

The questions I’d ask instead are:
1 - What are your internal cues to prompt you to address the bickering?
2 - What agreement do you need to have with your Co-Founder to create the space to address it?
3 - How can you give yourself permission to do that?

Let’s look at these in turn…

1 - What are your internal cues to prompt you to address the bickering? This could be a feeling, a thought; I’m sure just reading the question gives you ideas as to what your cues are! Have a think about how the bickering might impact your energy, your creativity, your sense of feeling connected etc. and what signals show up to tell you it needs addressing.

2 - What agreement do you need to have with your Co-Founder to create the space to address it? 
For example, think about having a monthly catch up where you agree to openly share feedback on the partnership and ideas for how it could develop (something I strongly encourage). This minimises the stress when tension arises as you know you can document it, reflect on it, then share it safely in your partnership meeting.

3 - How can you give yourself permission to do that?
What’s currently holding you back from discussing your bickering? What do you need to feel to be able to discuss it, and how can you address that? This is very personal, but again, I’m hoping this question instinctively brings ideas to mind.

And importantly, how can you stay AWARE of when these internal cues pops up? What reminder might you need?

This is such an important topic, and I think it’s an empowering one. It’s realising that there’s no rules, there’s no ‘normal’. It’s about understanding what you need as an individual and how you can create the conditions that allow you to honour that.